It is one of the shittiest day of my life. I wanna be in KL so bad. I wanna be there for her. I know I should feel happy because she won but I don't know why I feel the other way. While smoking my 6th cigarette waiting for her or others to call, it seems as I'm waiting for cryptonite to hit earth and bring Superman to us. I feel used, in some way. Maybe I just don't understand her completely yet, but I always expect her to do things that makes me goes all butterflies all day. But, she's not that type. Maybe I'm not really that important to her.
As I dialed her number; waiting for her to pick up my calls, all things running through my head. She said that she won, second place; which I felt happy about. But suddenly I feel, why am I getting the news without her bothering to call me in the first place. To let me feel as if I should be the first person he want to share the news with. Owh, that is where I felt I am not that important to her nor her life. But, maybe she's busy. Maybe she forgot to call me. Owh well.
And suddenly I remembered about the calls that I always made everyday when I'm in the office in Singapore, I called because I miss her, needed to call her just to hear her voice and I realized that she will never call if she doesn't need my help nor need something from me. I feel used. But yeah, maybe the international calls are expensive which I never bother to pay but its okay, she's trying to save some money. Owh well.
And once I arrived to the border, the first thing I will do is to call her, just to say that I've safely arrived to our shore. Sometimes I intentionally don't feel like calling her, just so to see whether she remembers me so she would give me a call. But, nope.. No calls. It usually ended up with me calling her.. again. Yeah, I miss her, every part of her; so I would lower my ego and ended up calling her. Maybe she's busy with her friends so she forgot to call me. Owh well.
I am not asking for much, I am not that clingy typed. All I want is some attention and to feel needed. As if I am important enough that she can't live without. That is all I am asking for. I feel as if everything is all about her and not about our mutual needs. I try to be a good partner and endure all these. Or maybe I just need to get a LIFE since she has hers over there and it seems that she doesn't really need me. Owh well.
Maybe it is just a small matter that I am too emotionally affected but I have my limits and when the time comes, I am not going to turn around and get into the same mess again. I am enduring this, swallowing every depression and venting it out to her doesn't make any difference. OWH WELL.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Lighting Competiton : BORROWED LIGHT
It is an inspiration that strikes me during electrical disruption couple of weeks back. But sadly, I can't manage to get it uploaded to their site as the server is down due to over loaded traffic. Whatever it is, I still think it is a very good idea and I enjoyed every single minute I spent for this project.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
How to STEAL like an artist
I've read this and I found it very useful as it basically teaches you how to be a good artist. An artist or so to say; art people is a very creative minded people and despite how genuine our idea we said it would be, it is a stolen idea from somewhere. (hard to admit that, right?) so to be a good artist, we need to master the art of STEALING ideas first.
Click on the blog post title or copy this link into your URL.
http://www.austinkleon.com/2011/03/30/how-to-steal-like-an-artist-and-9-other-things-nobody-told-me/
Architecture Competition
Bustler is a good architectural competition website where it publishes almost all of the currently going on competitions for students and practicing architects. Students might found this website useful. Check it out, click on the blog post title or copy the website URL; http://www.bustler.net/
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
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